Become The Solution Person by Craig Harper

Let’s be honest, some of us are problem people. We don’t want to be but we are. We don’t try to be but we are. For some strange reason we look for them, obsess about them, wait for them to arrive, turn little ones into big ones and when there’s not one in sight, we’ll often create one.

Or six.

Are you smiling a little because I just described you or someone close to you? Well, if you’re something of an over-thinking, anxiety-producing problem person and you’d like to become the laid-back, Zen-like solution person, here are some suggestions…

1. Hit the pause button before you react like a lunatic. Give yourself a moment or ten, take a breath, turn down the emotion and stop catastrophising. Keep in mind that throwing yourself into an emotional tailspin is not only exhausting and pointless, it’s also a waste of time and energy. Turn up the logic and reason. Walk away (for a while) if you need to and look at the situation through a different window (kind of like watching a scary movie from behind a cushion; doesn’t seem so bad). Is the situation a genuine problem or is your thinking (about the situation) the problem?

2. Acknowledge your fear but don’t let it manage you. Being fearful is normal (and often healthy) but being a prisoner to an over-thinking, anxiety-producing, fearful mind is dis-empowering and potential-destroying. Fear is an emotion (which only has the power that you give it) and you are much more than that (an emotion). Face your fears and (1) you will adapt, grow and learn and (2) your problems will morph into lessons, minor speed bumps and opportunities. Being courageous is not abut being fearless. The person who has zero fear is an idiot. Courageous is about doing what success requires despite your fear.

3. Don’t make shit up. Stop assuming and guessing about crap that may or may not be true and may or may not eventuate. Stay with the facts and recognise your over-thinking mind for what it is; a drama queen. If you’re not sure about a person, situation, conversation, event or outcome, do some research and investigation, identify what is and what isn’t happening and work from there. Control your controllables and don’t tell yourself stories of doom and gloom. Life’s challenging enough without you getting all ‘woe-is-me’ on the rest of us.

4. Ask solution-focused questions. The moment you ask a solution-focused question is the moment you take a step towards a healthier mindset and a more positive outcome. Better questions produce better decisions, which produce better behaviours (actions and reactions), which produce better habits, which produce better results, which produce a better…. reality. Yay! By the way, solution-focused people are much nicer to be around.

5. When the problem involves other people, don’t expect them to think like you, empathise with you or see the situation as you do. Expecting others to see things through your eyes will produce more problems than solutions. The only person who thinks (exactly) like you, is you. You don’t need to agree with the other person (or even like them, for that matter) but you do need to understand them.

Now, go find a solution.

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